this past week was the week from hell. everything that could go wrong, DID go wrong. except for two huge things.  i made it on to the "varsity" choir in our high school, and we have this HUGE talent show like thing only its way better than a talent show. its like a pop concert mix thing and my group made it past the second round (there are 3).  so you'd think i'd be able to overlook the billions of tiny things that went wrong and focus on the two huge things that went right, right? well, for some idiotic reason i just can seem to.  maybe its the dreary weather, maybe i'm just a stupid pessimistic.  either way, i've been a time bomb slowly ticking, and it only takes one tiny argument or bothersome event to set me off. and at first i thought "well, my family can just deal with my bipolar fits of lashing out." because everyone has their bad days right?

wrong.

its like in just one split second i realized that i have to just get over it! i mean, look on the brightside, right? and i can't just take out everything on everyone else, and blame them for my problems. it really is me, my fault, my problem, and i really truly need to get over it.

so, yipeeeeeee, i got past step one, but now what? how DO i fix it? how DO i get over it?

ugh. me and my childish problems.

i'm so tired of everyone thinking that i need a man.  why do people assume that all single people are unhappy? honestly. i mean, sure, having a boyfriend comes with lots of pros, but i can and will survive without one in my life right now. women, stand up for yourselves! prove to the world that we are a strong species who is not completely dependent on men!

*no offense to the male species.

it is unbelievably easy to slip into the state of worldliness. i've been there since, oh, i don't know, last year? it's just so hard to stay focused, and to be frank, i've been pretty upset with God as of late. he has placed "fires" in my life.  you know, little twigs or problems add up to make a pile and all it takes is one little spark.  at first, the fire reaches my flesh and it burns, hurts, pains, so ferociously that i cannot stand. so i fall to my knees.  that's when i learn how to take the fire and pull it so it burns from within and i become unforgivingly angry.  but soon, the fire goes out, and i am left burnt to a crisp, and numb. apathetic. and worldly. 

but to quote matthew west, "i don't want to go through the motions"

what am i going to do? i ask myself this only every second of every minute of every day.  and i think i have an answer....i'm going to rid of all my dead leaves, twigs...the dry brush just waiting for that spark. i understand that part of "the motions" by matthew west, where it says "take it all away". at first i was so confused because we always ask God for more and more and more....and i then i realized that that was the problem. we need to give away our worldly things...such a tiny sacrifice compared to the one He made for us.